3 Steps to conquer FEAR! Your happiness and success depend on it. (#2 is for the Worriers)
Fear! What a subject this is. Who doesn’t have a fear of some sort? Whether it be a fear of heights, clowns, spiders or even success, there isn’t a person on this planet who 100% completely fearless (Maybe a monk somewhere) however, if you come across this monk, please bring them to me so I can absorb there fearless ways. If you’re honest with yourself I’m sure you will find something that lurks within your soul that could perhaps keep you up at night if you let it. My fears? Spiders. It’s too long of a story to share on this post, but, I admit it, arachnids still get me jumping. I accredit spiders to my increased vertical ability as a youngster :). I have leapt on many couches out of shock. Another fear I have that I don't often share with others is the fear that I may not be enough. I fear I may let others down, who rely on me (Team, family etc.). Kobe Bryant syndrome if you will. Now, I know it sounds sad, but, I have worked on this for a lot of my 20’s, and it stems from setting such a high standard for myself, to the point where you could consider it toxic. I had to learn to pat myself on the back once in a while, and learn how to take a compliment (So tough I know) I have always had an absolute whale of a time taking, and accepting compliments, Why? I truthfully do not enjoy being the center of attention. When I was a kid I cringed at the sound of the birthday song, or winning an athletic award or some sort. I was raised in the art of Team, and no one person is greater than the team. So, in regards to induvial accolades, as nice as it is to be recognized for your efforts, I felt a bit uncomfortable receiving thm because as we all know, without great coaching, teammates, parents, mentors, and leaders, the individual accolades do not come.
Enough chatter. Let’s cut to it. Here are my tips on how to 1. Become more aware and use fear to your benefit and 2. Conquer your fears in general. Seems sweet. Let’s see…..
When you feel fear. Write it down.
Huge key to this process is self awareness and being truthful with yourself. The biggest challenge I personally faced was trusting someone not to use my fears against me if I were to admit fear. The harsh reality of this is, if a person is going to use your fears to make you uncomfortable, there will be a conflict. You may have to confront them (ironically enough some people are scared of confrontation, so that should be an interesting scenario :), or you may have to decide if that person is someone you want to be around in general. When you feel that feeling of fear and anxiety. WRITE IT DOWN! Get to know the beast, and become friends with it. This is so crucial, and I have been able to trouble shoot, and work through so many quirks, and anxieties because of this tactic. It really does bring a sense of calmness and emotional control.
Breathe - Worriers, This ones for you
I know and grew up with a few worriers. I am sure you know a few as well, or are in fact one yourself. A tough thing to admit for sure, so props to you if you recognize that in yourself. Excessive worrying, increases stress which is unbelievably debilitating to your health, as well as your self confidence. Excessive habitual worrying can have negative effects on children, develop anxieties within and frankly, tarnish relationships. I grew up with a worrier, and growing up with a worrier makes you realize a few things. 1. You can’t control how they feel, and you still have to do what you believe is best 2. You should work towards understanding there worries as best as you can without letting it effect you negatively and 3. Develop compassion. At the end of the day, a worrier does not want to worry (At least to my knowledge) and they would love to be relaxed, and completely at peace, and poised most scenarios, but, something from their past has jolted their nervous system, and that jolt is holding them back from believing in the glass is half full outcome. What I have always told my worriers, “Take a breath, and count to 10. Don’t let this moment be more than what it is.” This works unbelievably well. It also helps with anger. If you’re a worrier, it is crucial to work on this so you don’t pass this trait on to perhaps your young children. Confidence is the key to high performance, so while you’re working on yourself, write what worries or stresses you out down in a notepad, and take a breath and count to 10 when you feel your worries may get the best of you. It is unbelievably inspiring watching and working with someone who is being vulnerable enough to work on conquering their fears as well as bettering themselves. It’s a process, and it requires patience, so be kind to yourself and remember to inhale deep and exhale slowly.
Hit your fears head on and do not run
This is the cure! The key to confidence. The ticket to staring your fears in the face and not letting them have control over you, or your life. Develop the habit of running towards your fears. I know you have heard this before, but this is the key and what all high performers have in common. They feel fear and stress, and out of practice and habit have developed the courage to face whatever it is that could potentially cause the dreaded paralysis by analysis, or the anxiousness that develops through worry. Simply put, they use fear as motivation and when they decide to GO they do not hesitate. Why? Because letting fear take over causes more stress and anxiety than facing the challenge itself, and even perhaps the outcome of failure. In life we are going to lose, fail, fall, make a questionable choice, and face humiliation. The ones who understand and accept this, mind you, not as the ultimate destination, but as leverage points to grow and learn, are the ones who embrace fear, and use it to their benefit. They essentially befriend their fears because they understand that growth is on the other side of fear. Running from your fears, and avoiding the challenge is also a developed habit, and it can begin at the youngest of ages. The ability to try, fail and triumph is what develops confidence in youth. Now, I know I am not a parent, but I grew up in a household that continuously encouraged trying, failing, re assessing, and trying again before being aloud to quit. Too often we forget to give something a second, perhaps even a third chance, and we allow our initial failure and embarrassment to prevent us from gaining experience and growth. That is where courage, and resilience are built. Fear and failure are fabulous teachers and educators. Will you decide to challenge what scares you, and use the experience as an opportunity to grow? That is the person who is destined to design the life that they desire. Fortune favors the bold. The only person stopping us, is ourselves.
Scott Salling
Founder of F.I.T. Academy
IMPACT Magazine Canada’s Top Trainer 2018/2020
ISSA Elite Trainer/BCRPA CPT
ISSA Certified Nutritionist/Sports Nutrtionist