10 Ways to Raise a More Confident Child

By Jacquelyn Smith

Carl Pickhardt, a psychologist and author of 15 parenting books, says a kid who lacks confidence will be reluctant to try new or challenging things because they're scared of failing or disappointing others.

This can end up holding them back later in life and prevent them from having a successful career.

"The enemies of confidence are discouragement and fear," he says. So, as a parent, it's your job to encourage and support your child as they attempt to tackle difficult tasks.

Here are 10 more tips for raising a confident child: 

1. Appreciate effort no matter if they win or lose

When you're growing up, the journey is more important than the destination. So whether your child makes the winning goal for his team or accidentally kicks it out of bounds, applaud their effort, Pickhardt says. They should never feel embarrassed for trying. "Over the long haul, consistently trying hard builds more confidence than intermittently doing well," he explains. 

2. Encourage practice to build competence

Encourage your child to practice whatever it is they're interested in — but do so without putting too much pressure on them. Harmony Shu, a piano prodigy, told Ellen DeGeneres that she started practicing when she was just 3 years old.

3. Let them figure out problems by themselves

If you do the hard work for your child then they'll never develop the abilities or the confidence to figure out problems on their own. "Parental help can prevent confidence derived from self-help and figuring out on the child's own," Pickhardt explains.  In other words, better that your child gets a few B's and C's rather than straight A's, so long as they are actually learning how to solve the problems and do the work. 

4. Let them act their age

Don't expect your child to act like an adult. "When a child feels that only performing as well as parents is good enough, that unrealistic standard may discourage effort," he says. "Striving to meet advanced age expectations can reduce confidence."

5. Encourage curiosity

Sometimes a child's endless stream of questions can be tiresome, but it should be encouraged. Paul Harris of Harvard University told The Guardian that asking questions is a helpful exercise for a child's development because it means they realize that "there are things they don't know ... that there are invisible worlds of knowledge they have never visited." When children start school, those from households that encouraged curious questions have an edge over the rest of their classmates because they've had practice taking in information from their parents, The Guardian reported, and that translates to taking in information from their teacher. In other words, they know how to learn better and faster.

6. Avoid creating short cuts or making exceptions for your child

Special treatment can communicate a lack of confidence, Pickhardt says. "Entitlement is no substitute for confidence."

7. Never criticize their performance

Nothing will discourage your child more than criticizing his or her efforts. Giving useful feedback and making suggestions is fine — but never tell them they're doing a bad job. If your kid is scared to fail because they worry you'll be angry or disappointed, they'll never try new things. "More often than not, parental criticism reduces the child's self-valuing and motivation," says Pickhardt.

8. Treat mistakes as building blocks for learning

"Learning from mistakes builds confidence," he says. But this only happens when you, as a parent, treat mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow. Don't be over-protective of your child. Allow them to mess up every now and then, and help them understand how they can better approach the task next time. Pickhardt says parents should see "uh-oh" moments as an opportunity to teach their kids not to fear failure.

9. Don't tell them when you're worried about them

Parental worry can often be interpreted by the child as a vote of no confidence, he says. "Expressing parental confidence engenders the child's confidence."

10. Don't allow them to escape reality by spending all their time on the internet

Don't allow your kid to hide behind a computer screen. Instead, encourage them to engage with real people in the real world.

"Confidence in the virtual world (although important) is not the same as real world confidence that offline effectiveness brings," Pickhardt says.